One day more than enough

NOTE: I’ve run this column for years as my last column before Christmas, and I see no reason to change now. True, a lot of changes have taken place in my life since the first time this column appeared. Shucks, I’ve even retired. But I think it still works. Besides, some folks have actually told me they look forward to it. As for others, I wish them a merry bah and a happy humbug.

My own letter…

Dear Santa,
So, how goes it? How are the reindeer? Are they magic like you? Or will any of them be retiring soon? I mean, it’s been almost 200 years since they were introduced. Does Rudolph’s nose ever need recharging? Is Mrs. Claus keeping you well-fed?

A coming together

I wrote recently that the main things I dislike about Christmas are the things that make people heave a sigh of relief on the evening of Dec. 25, and say, “Thank goodness it’s over.””

My Thanksgiving column

I used to look forward to Thanksgiving for a reason not many people have. While I worked at the Times-Herald, we didn’t publish on that holiday, and since my column came out on Thursday, I was off the hook for that week.

Diet? Try it? Must I?

So there I was, looking at myself – really looking at myself – for the first time in a while. I couldn’t joke it away by saying, “Who’s that old fat guy?” It was me, looking back out at myself from a mirror.

It cometh, but not yet

It was right after Halloween. I was half-watching a TV show, when I heard someone announce that Halloween marks the beginning of the Eating Season.

Must we fall back?

This happens twice every year, and twice every year I rail against it. But the Time Cops keep winning. I’m speaking, of course, of the upcoming time change.

Time for trick or treat

This is my last column before Halloween, and I suppose I do have a bit of good news: Seems my bum knee is coming around sufficiently to allow me to hand out candy on the big night.

Did I jinx myself?

With Halloween around the corner, I decided to talk about something that is creepier than a lot of folks seem to think. I call them the four types of prophecy.