Diet? Try it? Must I?

So there I was, looking at myself – really looking at myself – for the first time in a while. I couldn’t joke it away by saying, “Who’s that old fat guy?” It was me, looking back out at myself from a mirror.

It gets better

Tragedy has the power to turn one’s world upside down in a very short amount of time. With something as simple as a phone call, lives can be changed forever. And no one is immune to it.

It cometh, but not yet

It was right after Halloween. I was half-watching a TV show, when I heard someone announce that Halloween marks the beginning of the Eating Season.

Oh, Arkansas football

Last Saturday, the Arkansas Razorback football team shocked the state when they came from behind 31 to 7 to beat the Ole Miss Rebels – or Land Sharks, whichever – to win a late-game thriller. It was the largest come-from-behind win in at least this century.

Must we fall back?

This happens twice every year, and twice every year I rail against it. But the Time Cops keep winning. I’m speaking, of course, of the upcoming time change.

Halloween is just around the corner. But there’s something afoot I find much scarier than the little ghouls and goblins running around Tuesday night or the ghost stories told in the dark this weekend. What makes me shudder, even in the light of day, is the deteriorating state of our political culture.

Time for trick or treat

This is my last column before Halloween, and I suppose I do have a bit of good news: Seems my bum knee is coming around sufficiently to allow me to hand out candy on the big night.

Trump’s progress report address

(Editor’s note: Below is an exclusive copy of a speech written by President Donald Trump, prepared for a weekend rally, regarding his progress on a number of current issues. The speech was obtained through nefarious means by the senior Times-Herald satire reporter)

Did I jinx myself?

With Halloween around the corner, I decided to talk about something that is creepier than a lot of folks seem to think. I call them the four types of prophecy.